I think it's because "bad boys" (bbs) seem exciting because they are often unpredictable, impulsive, risks-takers. Sometimes they also are attractive and have a sense of humor. Any combination of these characteristics can be a bit charismatic; a contrast to the everyday humdrum life. It will signal danger, but also fun and adventure. With these type of guys women often get in over their heads before they realize the danger involved because these risk-taking men tend to be impatient, anger easily, are aggressive and egotistical. Of course, this assessment is pretty simplistic, but even a few of these traits can be a lure.
This is such a good explanation Betsy Warrior. The sense of humour! My abusive ex was so funny. He was the life and soul of every party! My mother always reminded me - she asked me when I met him, what I saw in him and I said he made me laugh. She then said, he wasn't making you laugh at the end was he? (My mother was quite a harsh woman!). But Yes, the sense of humour. And the excitement and danger. I can relate to your description Betsy Warrior.
These men - let's not give them innocuous, romantic or pseudo-romantic titles - often possess qualities which are useful, productive, apparently pro-active - the kind of qualities which promise security and even protection.
For instance, they mi%ht "get things done," or be able to deal with difficult people and situations, negotiate financial affairs with apparent ease.
Beware - these are *perceptions* and their relationship value is *ascribed*, not earned. Equally, "Mr Nice Guy" is also a perception, dismissed on the basis of assumptions rather than (necessarily) reality.
But are the women in question only referring to physical violence? What about #CoerciveControl? What about #EmotionalAbuse and control, #PsychologicalTerrorism? Are you "walking on eggshells" though you have never experienced physical assaults from these men?
I agree Alistair. Domestic abuse is a hugely complex issue. I explain this every time someone says to me "Well, why doesn't she/he just leave"? If only it were that easy!
Yes! My invariable counsel to people has long been, "PLEASE never ask, 'Why didn't you just leave?' Every person who stays, does so for a reason." So much education needed on so many fronts 😢 - Thank you and respect 🙏🏼 🫡
I think it's because "bad boys" (bbs) seem exciting because they are often unpredictable, impulsive, risks-takers. Sometimes they also are attractive and have a sense of humor. Any combination of these characteristics can be a bit charismatic; a contrast to the everyday humdrum life. It will signal danger, but also fun and adventure. With these type of guys women often get in over their heads before they realize the danger involved because these risk-taking men tend to be impatient, anger easily, are aggressive and egotistical. Of course, this assessment is pretty simplistic, but even a few of these traits can be a lure.
This is such a good explanation Betsy Warrior. The sense of humour! My abusive ex was so funny. He was the life and soul of every party! My mother always reminded me - she asked me when I met him, what I saw in him and I said he made me laugh. She then said, he wasn't making you laugh at the end was he? (My mother was quite a harsh woman!). But Yes, the sense of humour. And the excitement and danger. I can relate to your description Betsy Warrior.
Thank you for commenting.
These men - let's not give them innocuous, romantic or pseudo-romantic titles - often possess qualities which are useful, productive, apparently pro-active - the kind of qualities which promise security and even protection.
For instance, they mi%ht "get things done," or be able to deal with difficult people and situations, negotiate financial affairs with apparent ease.
Beware - these are *perceptions* and their relationship value is *ascribed*, not earned. Equally, "Mr Nice Guy" is also a perception, dismissed on the basis of assumptions rather than (necessarily) reality.
But are the women in question only referring to physical violence? What about #CoerciveControl? What about #EmotionalAbuse and control, #PsychologicalTerrorism? Are you "walking on eggshells" though you have never experienced physical assaults from these men?
I think it's a hugely-complex issue.
I agree Alistair. Domestic abuse is a hugely complex issue. I explain this every time someone says to me "Well, why doesn't she/he just leave"? If only it were that easy!
Thank you for your comment.
Yes! My invariable counsel to people has long been, "PLEASE never ask, 'Why didn't you just leave?' Every person who stays, does so for a reason." So much education needed on so many fronts 😢 - Thank you and respect 🙏🏼 🫡