Bad Boys!

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

I went to the cinema last week with my best friend, to see the film ‘Back to Black’. It is a biopic about Amy Winehouse, who, for those of you not in the UK and do not know who she is - she was a famous singer who sadly died of alcohol poisoning at the age of 27. She was married to a man who was a drug addict and it is generally felt that he was the person that introduced her to drugs and alcohol. They had a very volatile relationship which was largely played out in front of the journalists and cameramen who camped outside her house and wherever she went. They had physical fights in the street and she was regularly photographed in the papers with bruises and bloodied clothing.

When the ‘character’ of Amy’s husband first appeared on screen, he swaggered into the pub where Amy sat and was joking and swearing and generally being a bit of a ‘Jack the Lad’. I thought there was something attractive about him. I then realised what it was. He was a ‘bad boy’! I leant across to my friend and whispered, “why are the bad boys always attractive?!”. She whispered back, “I was just thinking the same thing!”.

It got me thinking. My abusive husband was a ‘Jack the Lad’. A ‘Bad Boy’. My friends ex abusive partner and father to her two oldest children was these things too. In fact, most of the women I have worked with over the years have described their abusive partners as ‘Jack the Lads’ and ‘Bad Boys’.

My older brother is an old fashioned romantic. He is the sort of guy who will buy a partner roses and open doors for her. He has looked - in vain - for a partner for some years. He is always told during the first date that he is a lovely man BUT, he is too nice! It infuriates him. He has said to me several times, what do women want? Do they want a man that is going to beat them up?! Which I, obviously, took very personally! But I have never been able to answer the question because I too, many years ago, when I was younger, have turned down dates because someone felt to me to be too nice! Boring! I have been married 3 times! The first time was to the abusive one. But I can honestly say, that although my second husband and my late, last husband were not abusive, they were ‘Jack the Lads’. Some would say ‘Bad Boys’ when they were younger.

So, why do women seem to be attracted to this type of man? They are not all abusive, of course. But some are, and of course, if we are unlucky enough to be with one that is abusive, there is no way we can know that when we meet them. Nevertheless, this phenomenon has created the myth that women choose abusive men. When I worked alongside Children’s Services, I lost count of all the times when social workers would ask me “Why does she choose violent men”? which used to anger me so much. As if anyone would choose to be abused.

Oh, are you waiting for me to unveil the answer to the question? I can’t. I don’t know the answer. But I am really interested to hear what you think it is?!

So, once more - Why are women attracted to bad boys??