The Silent Struggle: Male Victims of Domestic Abuse
There has been a lot, in the UK press lately, about cases of male victims/survivors of domestic abuse. We are seeing a rise in male victims/survivors coming forward and seeking support and protection. Just today, I read the following article about a recent case.
https://uk.news.yahoo.com/cruel-wife-hit-husband-rolling-102810079.html
When we think of domestic abuse, we often think of women being physically harmed by their partner. And whilst it is true that the majority of reported cases involve female victims and male perpetrators, it's important to recognise that men can be victims too. The underreporting and lack of awareness in relation to male victims contributes to a silent struggle that leaves many men feeling isolated and ashamed.
What is the scope of the problem?
Statistics on male domestic abuse are alarming:
The latest Office for National Statistics suggest that 1 in 7 men will be a victim of domestic abuse at some point in their lifetime.
Men are less likely to report abuse due to fear of not being believed, societal stigma, or concerns about losing contact with their children.
Abuse against men can take many forms:
Physical violence - Male victims may suffer physical harm at the hands of a partner, including hitting, slapping, or even the use of weapons. However, our society may trivialize these actions when they happen to men, and dismiss them as “less serious”.
Emotional abuse and coercive control (e.g., humiliation, control, isolation) - The emotional toll of domestic abuse can be devastating, yet it often goes unnoticed when it happens to men. Name-calling, gaslighting, controlling behaviors, and threats can erode a man’s self-esteem and mental health. The effects of emotional abuse last a long time and deeply damaging, but they are frequently underreported because men might not even recognise them as abuse.
Sexual abuse - Men can also be victims of sexual abuse which generally is not understood or believed. There is often a misconception that men cannot be sexually assaulted or coerced into sex by a partner, but it does happen. This can make male survivors of sexual abuse feel even more isolated and afraid to speak out due to societal pressure about masculinity and sexual performance.
Financial abuse - Financial control is another form of domestic abuse that can affect men. A partner might restrict a man’s access to money, perhaps stop him from working, or take control of his finances to isolate him from support networks. Men may struggle to admit this form of control is happening, especially as societal norms expect men to be the breadwinner and be the main provider, financially.
Why Don't Men Speak Out?
Several things can contribute to the silence surrounding male victims:
Societal expectations of masculinity: Men are often taught to be strong and in control, making it difficult to admit they are a victim.
Fear of not being believed: The stereotype of men always being the perpetrator, can lead to doubt when they report abuse.
Lack of support services: Although there are far more support services for men, than there used to be, there are still far more specifically for women than there are men.
Breaking the Silence
It's really important to challenge the misconceptions and create a safe space for male victims to come forward. We can all contribute by doing the following:
Believe male victims: Listen without judgment and offer support.
Raising awareness: Talk about the issue openly and challenge stereotypes.
Support organisations: Donate to or volunteer with organisations that help male victims of domestic abuse.
Encourage help-seeking: Let men know that it's okay to ask for help and that resources are available.
Resources for Male Victims
If you or someone you know is a male victim of domestic abuse, please seek help. Here are some resources:
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
The Mankind Initiative: 01823 334244
Men's Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
These are resources in the UK.
Always remember: Domestic abuse is about power and control, not gender. It's time to break the silence and make sure that all victims, regardless of gender, receive the support they deserve.
Hi Betsy. Yes, you are right. Of recorded incidents in the UK, it is predominantly men perpetrators over women. I thought long and hard about writing this blog. I don't want to upset anyone. But I felt I needed to strike a balance and be neutral. I hope everyone can understand that. Where I work - we have seen a marked increase in male victims needing protection. But again, predominantly more women.
There is a whole movement of men who claim that men are not only victims of domestic violence, but overall women are most often the perpetrators domestic violence incidences. Men like Donald Dutton, Murray Strauss, Richard Gelles and women like the Erin Pizzey, the late Susan Steinmetz and many more in the Men's rights Movement all see women as responsible for domestic violence. They've written extensively on this and are published in many journals. Domestic Violence Against men does occasionally happen, but looking over the past fifty years I've seen that what passes for domestic violence against men and women are two very different things. For instance, one of the first accounts I read in a major newspaper of examples of DV an instance of a male victim lead the list. His abuse consisted of being "nagged" by his wife for being late for supper after work. There are of course real instances of male abuse but they are far fewer than claimed by those often pushing the idea.
Fifty years ago there were hundreds of shelters for men, but when women tried to find accommodations there they were turned away with the reasoning that they would be molested, robbed or raped. As has happened when men are housed with women, vulnerable or not. See Hambrook in Toronto and others. For decades now I've seen men taking away the funding for women's shelters and other services, threatening to shut them down , suing them and stopping their funding. Men have always had the resources, money, connections and power to provide services to battered women. They never did. It took poor, working-class women years of struggle to do that. Men have the rich resources to do that for themselves, but they would rather take it away from women. I believe that's the real reason why these men are trying to poach on services built up by women: they want to takeover and control them for their own use (like the man in Scotland and his husband have after taking over the rape crisis center). With the far superior resources they have there's nothing stopping men from setting up their own services. But that's not really what they want. Instead they try to manipulate, and guilt trip us to continue to control and exploit our time and resources when they could get their own. I've personally observed this and it's only getting worse. I know you're a good person Sharon and you want to be compassionate toward everyone, but there are those who will never reciprocate but only want the upper hand. Sorry I'm so long winded, but I've just witnessed this tooo many times.